Life as an adult and parent is a constant balancing act, demanding attention to countless responsibilities while trying to maintain a semblance of mental health. For those of us who grapple with mental health issues, the challenges are magnified, turning everyday tasks into monumental efforts. I want to share my experience to give you a glimpse into what it’s like living with mental health struggles while juggling the demands of adulthood and parenthood.

The Never-Ending To-Do List

From the moment I wake up, my brain is in overdrive. I have to ensure my kids are fed, dressed, and ready for school with all the necessary supplies. Scheduling their doctor’s appointments, organizing their social lives, and providing the love and attention they need feels like a full-time job on its own. On top of that, there are the bills. Keeping track of due dates, managing credit card usage to maintain a healthy credit score, and dealing with student loan payments is a constant source of stress.

Another major stressor is managing my medications, which comes with its own set of challenges. Refills, appointments, and the constant worry about back orders are just a few of the things that can go wrong. I’m currently facing this issue: I can’t get a refill until I see my doctor, but my doctor isn’t available this week. The uncertainty and disruption this causes add another layer of anxiety to an already overwhelming situation. It’s a delicate balance trying to maintain my mental health when access to my medications is so precarious.

Basic Needs and Self-Care

Amidst all these responsibilities, I need to remember to take care of myself. Basic human needs like sleep, food, water, and hygiene often take a back seat. Maintaining my weight and overall health is crucial, not just for me, but for my kids who rely on me. Unfortunately, taking care of my mental health is another layer of complexity. My brain is wired differently, constantly bombarding me with worries about the most random things, on top of the usual adult responsibilities.

The Mental Health Struggle

Living with mental health conditions like bipolar disorder, depression, and anxiety means my mind is a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions. I overthink everything, from what to have for dinner to how I’m perceived by others. There’s a constant fear of disappointing my loved ones, and this anxiety often leads to overcommitment and burnout. This weekend was a perfect example. I had to attend two important birthday parties, but the pressure of not letting anyone down, combined with a migraine and the heat, led to a complete mental shutdown.

The Importance of Showing Up

One of my biggest fears is not being there for the people I care about. Having experienced significant loss from a young age, I’m haunted by the thought that any moment could be the last time I see someone. This fear drives me to be a people pleaser, to show up for every event, to take countless photos, and to make sure my loved ones know they matter to me. Yet, this constant drive often comes at the expense of my own well-being.

In addition to managing my own responsibilities and mental health, I strive to be mindful of my significant other. It’s essential that I support them in showing up for themselves and their family. You can imagine the things that can go haywire in a brain that overthinks. Balancing our needs and commitments requires constant communication and understanding, ensuring we both have the space to care for our well-being. Sometimes, my brain misunderstands things and I need clear and concise instruction. By working together, communicating, and being attuned to each other’s needs, we can create a supportive environment where both of us can thrive. It won’t always be perfect, but it’ll be worth it.

Coping Mechanisms and Outlets

Writing has become a vital outlet for me. Through blogging and reviewing books, I find a way to process my thoughts and escape the relentless cycle in my mind. I gravitate towards dark, taboo books because I see myself in the characters who overcome tremendous obstacles. Their growth gives me hope that I, too, can navigate my traumas and emerge stronger.

The Reality of an Unconventional Mind

Meeting someone who experiences moments of a quiet mind was mind-blowing. My brain never stops; it’s a relentless machine that’s constantly analyzing, worrying, and replaying scenarios. When well-meaning people advise me to “stop worrying” or “not care what others think,” they don’t understand the depths of my mental struggles. Years of trauma and ingrained thought patterns aren’t easily switched off.

The Struggle to Be the Best Version of Myself

Every day, I strive to be the best possible version of myself. I want to be a reliable friend, a loving parent, and a responsible adult. But it’s a tightrope walk, balancing the weight of my mental health issues with the demands of everyday life. The serenity prayer is a helpful mantra, but sometimes, it’s not enough to quiet the chaos in my mind.

Despite the overwhelming challenges and the mental health struggles I face, I would never give up being a parent or change the people in my life. My children and loved ones bring immeasurable joy and fulfillment, and they complete me in ways I can’t fully express. Their presence gives my life meaning and purpose, making every effort worthwhile. No matter how tough things get, the love and connection I share with them are irreplaceable and keep me grounded and motivated to keep going.

Writing this blog post is part of my journey to understand and cope with my mental health. I hope it provides insight into the exhausting and overwhelming aspects of living with mental health issues while managing the responsibilities of adulthood and parenthood. If you’re struggling too, know that you’re not alone. Together, we can find ways to navigate this challenging path.